If desired, the rector may choose to have his/her spouse present a portion of the 4th Day Rollo. This is not required, and if the rector spouse gives the talk there are strict guidelines provided by TDI:
- Must be given by the rector’s non-Spiritual Director spouse. [If the rector is a single person, there will not be a Spouse talk. If the Rector’s spouse is a Spiritual Director, there will not be a Spouse talk.]
- Must be no longer than 5 minutes
- Cannot cause the entire talk to go longer than the 20 minutes allotted in the outline.
- Subject matter must be limited to the item 2 of the outline, “What to Share Regarding Your Tres Dias Weekend.”
For background information about this exception the the cloister, read the following excerpt from the TDI Policy Committee Position Paper “Review of the Cloister As It Applies to the Tres Dias Weekend”:
HISTORY: According to the Essentials, the last Rollo of the weekend, “Living the 4th Day,” is given by the Rector, usually on Sunday afternoon. By historical precedence, the Rector’s spouse is often invited to share his/her insights concerning the 4th Day. To adequately address this, and the impact on Cloister, it’s necessary to look at the history of this practice since it’s not covered by the Essentials or even within the Outline of the Rollo itself.
The original purpose, and as it is still currently practiced in many communities, was for the male rector’s wife to give a brief overview to the candidates of what not to do when they return home later that evening. One example that comes to mind was the wife explaining her interaction with her husband when he returned home from his weekend: She had missed him and was feeling somewhat amorous; anxiously awaiting his arrival. She went on to explain how turned-off she became to the idea of Tres Dias when her husband, rather than responding to her romantic overtures, stated something like: “Honey, I’ve missed you. This was a wonderful weekend so now let’s go and pray for your weekend!!” You get the idea – the short section (up to 5 minutes) is given on the men’s weekend solely to explain that their wives haven’t been part of the weekend, so to be understanding if they don’t seem enthusiastic and to avoid being over-bearing.
Over the years, this practice seems to have taken on a life of its own in a number of communities; where the spouse of both the male and female rectors come in to give a presentation alongside the Rector – and in some cases, going on to give mini-rollos that last longer than the Rector’s rollo; and sometimes covering topics that are well outside of the outline for the Rollo. This is an example of allowing a perfectly reasonable exception to grow out of proportion. And now that this has become such a long-standing tradition in many communities, it may be very difficult to “put the genie back into the bottle.” However, to be faithful to the Essentials, we must make the effort.
POLICY POSITION: Section 2 of the Living the Fourth Day talk is essential to the weekend. However, it is not essential or for that matter even preferred that the segment be given by the rector’s spouse. If not done by the rector and the rector chooses to use this limited exception, there are significant restrictions in presenting this section:
- This exception only applies to the Rector’s non-SD spouse! Clergy cannot give lay rollos (Essentials 3.2.11, 3.2.13, 3.2.16).
- The subject matter must be limited to information listed under Section 2 in the “Living the 4th Day” Outline titled: “WHAT TO SHARE REGARDING YOUR TRES DIAS WEEKEND.”
- The spouse’s presentation as well as the Rector’s portion must be critiqued by the team as part of the critique of the rollo at the team meeting.
- This presentation shall not exceed 5 minutes of the allotted time for the rollo, and the presentation shall not cause the rollo to exceed its allotted time as noted in the “Purpose and Situation” of the Rollo